A Loneliness you can't answer for
by imamusedbytwilight
Summary: Bella's life the past two years has been painful. When her mother dies the friend she needs the most pushes her aside like she's nothing. Will Edward see the error of his ways? Will Bella's relationships with her family and friends be mended?-bad summary
1. Chapter 1

**New Story!**

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A loneliness you can't answer for

Chapter 1: Heroes and thieves

I woke up to the obnoxious beeping of my alarm clock. As my fist slammed down on the snooze button I rolled over. 6am came way too early most mornings

I stood up from my bed and got ready for the day. I showered, changed, and fixed up breakfast for Jake and me. My father Charlie was gone generally early so I had a pre-made breakfast for him made every night so he could microwave himself a warm meal in the mornings. I make his lunch and most days end up making him a plate of whatever dinner I make and leave it in the fridge for when he gets around to eating it.

Since my mother died nothing had been the same. We never ate as a family and Charlie was almost never home and after his day at the station he would go out drinking with a couple of his buddies and come home drunk just to pass out on the couch. There had been a few instances where he had lashed out on me, but nothing to label abuse.

Jake wasn't normally home either. He gave me a ride to school in the mornings after I made our breakfast and we didn't usually talk. 2 years ago our relationship had been strong as ever and now the only verbal communication is along the lines of him asking if I had folded his laundry. I missed him but he seemed to be doing just fine without me.

Since mom died I more or less took the generic 'woman-of-the-house' role. I cooked, cleaned, did everyone's laundry, and even paid the bills for Charlie who would simply hand me the checkbook without acknowledgement. Though it took a toll on my grades I felt obliged to take care of everyone. My mom would have wanted me to, or so I keep telling myself.

My friends at school are pretty nice but they don't pay much attention to me. Alice is easiest the most optimistic of our semi-group. She always looks like she's bouncing with energy and is usually babbling about some sale at the mall. She's very small for the average 16 year old and looks [and sometimes acts] 12 considering she barely has made it passed 5 feet.

Rosalie has a bursting confidence that constantly shows and is exceptionally beautiful. She has the long legs and golden blonde hair that girls dream about. She can be shallow but she truly is a good person, you just need to get to know her. She also considers tongue wrestling with her boyfriend Emmett her main activity.

Rosalie's boyfriend Emmett is a pretty solid guy, both internally and physically. Lately he seemed like the big brother who hadn't quite abandoned me. Apart from everyone else he made a point to include me in conversation. He's pretty muscular but a real softie, especially when it came to the girls in his life which luckily included me, in the brotherly way of course.

Jasper was Alice's boyfriend and unofficial fiancé. The couple had been together since they were in diapers and were clearly each other's missing half. He was the only person who could truly calm Alice when she got too jumpy and they even did that weird couple-thing where they finish each other's sentences. He's a pretty neat guy though and he has this way of making everyone feel at ease.

And then there's Edward. Edward and I had been pretty close at one point, 2 years ago to be exact. We were best friends, but when my mother died and I needed him most he and I had a pretty large fight and he stopped talking to me.

_Flashback_

_I had just gotten into the hospital after my father called me out of school. My mother had gotten into an accident and they didn't think she was going to make it. _

_Everything had happened so fast. One minute I was in History, the next Charlie showed up in my classroom motioning me to come with him as he explained to me and Jake what happened in the car. Apparently my mother had been driving home from running a few errands and some careless driver had rammed into her head on in the same lane and her neck had broken. She was in a coma and was far gone but the family was to make the decision as to when to pull the plug._

_When I got into the room my father was unmoving as I saw tears drop down his cheeks, I had never seen him cry before. Jake was trying not to cry in his new attempt to be a man but I let them fall. I held her cold hand and looked over her bandaged body in an attempt to save her. We spent a few minutes saying our goodbyes before Charlie flipped the switch and I lost my mother forever._

_Me and Jake left the room to give Charlie some time with his thoughts and stepped into the hospital hallway. Jake didn't look at me or even acknowledge me like I had seen them doing. He just sank to his knees and stared at the wall._

_I was all alone and didn't think I could stand it anymore so I called Edward. I waited 5 rings before he picked up. "What is it Bella?" he sounded annoyed and I heard giggling in the background. I tried to hold in my sobs as I spoke._

"_I-I'm sorry Edward, I'll j-j-just call you later since you're busy" The giggling in the background became more distinct and I recognized the voice as Tanya's, the girl Edward had recently mentioned he was interested in. Oh my god! I completely forgot their date was today! But I guess things like that cross your mind after your mother just died.._

"_No Bella, what is sooooo important that you need to call me sobbing on the phone whilst interrupting my date?" What!!! I couldn't believe him! We were best friends and you think if he was going to acknowledge my sad state that it would be with slight compassion. _

_I really didn't want to bother him further so I just shut the phone and leaned back against the wall trying to control the new flood of tears that came with losing my mother._

_--later on that day—_

_When I arrived home I went right up to my room to shed a few more tears. Jake had driven me home because Charlie had to take care of a few things and he didn't want us around it. The ride home Jake didn't talk and just drove with a blank look on his face._

_A few minutes after arriving home I heard the doorbell obnoxiously ring 5 times and I went downstairs to answer it not trusting Jake to do so in his state. Wiping a few tears from my eye I opened the door to find a fuming Edward. I quickly stepped outside and shut the door._

"_BELLA HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!" he screamed in my face. I shrunk back taking a step away from him. "YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT DATE WAS TO ME AND YOU HAD TO CALL RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ALL 'SOBBY' AND SAD EXPECTING ALL OF THE ATTENTION TO BE ON YOU!!" He pinched the bridge between his nose. "So much for a great first date with the girl of my dreams, she was mad enough that I even had a best friend whose a girl and then you have to call making it sound like were secretly dating or something. Thanks a lot" _

_With that he turned to walk away making a point to walk right on the lawn, something he never did. _

"_EDWARD WAIT!" I called out and watched as he turned his back with a murderous glare on his face. "What kind of nerve do you have Bella! This date was important to me, What could POSSIBLY have been important enough for you to ruin it?" _

_I looked at him with an impossible expression on my face. I had been crying since he started to scream at me. So I took the back of my hand and wiped away the tears. I was so sad and so angry at him that I didn't want to tell him and I didn't want to risk being hurt further with his lack of apology._

"_I'm sorry I'm such an inconvenience" I whispered before turning back into the house._

_I was out of school for the rest of the week and I spent a lot of that time in my room crying. Charlie told Jake and I we didn't have to go to school because of funeral preparations but the news had already spread over the town and the last thing I needed was everyone's sympathetic stares. _

_Alice had come over as soon as she heard the news and hugged me tight enough to cut off circulation. She just sat with me while I cried and was taking the place of the friend I needed, the one who didn't want to be bothered with me. _

_After the funeral Jake and I were back to school and as predicted everyone had heard. Apparently the death of the chief of Police's wife wasn't just a sweet obituary, it was front page news. Everyone had come up to me and told me how sorry they were. _

_The only class Edward and I had together was lunch and knowingly, Alice had sat with me on the other side of our usual table so I didn't have to face him. But he still came over at lunch, with a certain blonde bimbo attaching herself to his hip. I tried to ignore the fact that he was walking over but he sat down next to me. I looked down at my food and for a good minute I felt his presence. Then, cowardly, he walked away_

End of flashback

For the first week after that Edward tried to call me, talk to me, he even came to my door a couple times, but each time I politely excused myself and when he requested to see me I had Jake chase him away. Then one day I got a restricted call.

"Hello?"

"Bella I tried talking to you all week so I could at least apologize but you won't even give me a chance so I'm done trying. I won't let you win and make me feel guilty because I'm done with you, have a nice life." And then Edward hung up the phone and stepped out of my life. It made me sick to my stomach that he thought I was playing a game with him. Did he even think about how much he hurt me? But I promised myself I wouldn't get disappointed because I didn't know what to expect. So as he walked away from the burden that was me I let go of him.

Since then people knew not to bring up our relationship. He has completely ignored me and has changed into the complete opposite person I used to know. Rosalie and Jasper being his siblings even said he had changed with dropping grades, and fooling around with Tanya whenever he can. But he still sat at our table and when Tanya moved 3 months ago he looked like a lost puppy and the realization of the family and friends he had hurriedly pushed away were now all he had.

I simply became a victim of time and with all the newly found duties I had along with a grief I hauled around with me I slightly pushed my friends away to the point where they gave up on trying to help me and While I was still 'part of the group' it wasn't the same and Edward and I became the outcasts.

So this morning wasn't any different as the last and after whipping up a quick batch of pancakes and running another load of laundry Jake and I were off.

When we pulled into the school though as I went to open the door Jake stopped me. "Bella can I talk to you for a sec?" shocked, I turned around to face him and he had a confused look on his face.

"Look sis, I guess I just wanted to say—" he stuttered a bit "The past couple of years—with Charlie and all—you know uh" he was really struggling for words and the look on his face was decisive. "Thanks for the pancakes" I gave him a strange look. It was the first sincere comment he had given me in months. I made pancakes almost every morning and he never once appreciated my making them, but it was a start I guess if he decided we were to start talking again.

I gave him a small smile. "Thanks for the ride" and got out of the car.

_**Heroes and thieves at my door**_

_**I can't seem to tell them apart anymore**_

_**And just when I figured it out**_

_**Oh Darling it's you I'm without**_

_**Darling it's you**_

_**Oh Darling it's you I'm without your**_

_**Comforting logic**_

_**Like these days are the**_

_**Ones I'll miss**_

_**And I seek a solitude **_

_**That I can't find without you**_

_.com/watch?v=Ou4cM3CSw-w_

_I've decided I'm going to be adding music to this fanfiction and the first one is Heroes and Thieves by Vanessa Carlton. I thought the song is some foreshadowing with Edward who you will learn is fighting an internal battle. EPOV next!_

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! It's the green button right below here GO FOR IT!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N *YAWN* It's so late so I apologize for any grammar mistakes, run-on sentences, random badness, etc,**

**A Loneliness you can't answer for**

**Chapter 2: What a catch Donnie**

EPOV

I couldn't deny the fact that I had practically done everything possible to ruin my life. Just a couple years ago Bella and I were the best of friends and then the whole incident with Tanya and Bella's mom had to happen and our friendship was ruined.

_-flashback-_

_For awhile now I knew I had feelings for Bella, so when I went to Emmett his advice was to make her a bit jealous just to see what she was missing out on and then maybe she would show interest in me. So I talked to Bella about how much I like the new girl Tanya and she seemed a bit distant but still supportive at the same time, so I had to take it to the next level._

_I knew I was being ridiculous but I needed Bella to like me, she had become such an important part of me that it was absolutely crucial that I spill my feelings out to her as soon as it's 'safe' according to Emmett._

_So I asked Tanya out and she was more than willing. I felt a little bad for using her but I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Tanya was pretty good looking, and she seemed a bit ditzy which was perfect for the job. But of course she wasn't perfect for me. _

_Bella was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. She had long dark mounds of brown hair that was smooth enough to run your fingers through. She wasn't anorexic-skinny like all the other girls had recently become. Bella just was naturally thin, yet she could eat and while she wasn't a pig she didn't care if anyone saw her order a burger. Her warm brown eyes were two of the deepest orbs I had ever seen. There was just so much depth, so much to read and I was desperate to get to decode it all. She had the most amazing smile that was a little uneven on her right side and I loved it. She had the most curious personality and though I'd known her for years there still felt like there was much to figure out about her. I can't quite put my finger on it but I felt like I was in love._

_For our date Tanya and I had decided on walking home and then going over to my house for some snacks or something and hang out. Which is precisely where we were now. Tanya and I were laying on my carpet playing 20 questions._

"_Alright Edward, who is that girl you're always hanging around with, is she like you're girlfriend and you're cheating on her with me or something?" that was definitely more than one question._

"_Oh Bella..she's just my best friend, nothing special I mean we've never dated or anything but we hang out—like friends" I gulped when I finished hoping she didn't think much of it but she started laughing. Then I heard my phone ring and Tanya looked at it._

"_Oh look it's miss best friend right now Eddie!" and she began giggling again as she tossed me the phone. Right now I was so infuriated with the situation that I wasn't exactly….myself wheni answered the phone._

"_What is it Bella?" I said in a clearly annoyed tone. I was pretty sure I told her about the date this afternoon and now she was interrupting. _

_I heard the sound of a small sob on the other end and then the small voice of a very strong Bella which confused me but didn't erase me from my state of anger. " I-I'm sorry Edward, I'll j-j-just call you later since you're busy"_

_Tanya, listening to the conversation began bursting out in laughter again and I could almost feel steam coming out of my ears as I spoke back. "No Bella, what is sooooo important that you need to call me sobbing on the phone whilst interrupting my date?" I regretted the words as I said them because of their insensitivity but I was annoyed and Bella wasn't helping the cause at hand. I waited for her answer but just heard more sobbing and then the click of her ending the call._

_I shut my phone and turned to see Tanya standing and biting her lip to control her laughter. _

"_I think I'm going to go now Edward, my house is just around the corner, but I'll like, see you around, ok?" Great, even the girl I was using didn't want me!_

"_Yeah sure Tanya, See you" I said opening the door for her and watching her walk out._

_I sat in my room for quite awhile just thinking about what I was going to do now and the truth was I had no clue. I was so angry at Bella for putting me in this position even though deep down I knew she wasn't at fault._

_So after an hour or so I decided to go to her house and talk to her. When I got to her house I made a point to walk along her lawn. We both had been raised to respect property but I was too angry to even function like the real Edward. _

_I got to the doorstep and rang the bell 5 times. My patience was running and I needed to talk to her right then for my own selfish reasons. _

_When she opened the door her face was tear-stained and her eyes were as puffy red. I wanted to ask her what was wrong and to help her but my temper got the best of me. I watched as her face looked shocked at my facial appearance and she stepped out of the house. I barely gave her time to breathe before I set off. _

"_BELLA HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!" I screamed and I watched her shiver back at my outburst but I wasn't finished just yet. "YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT DATE WAS TO ME AND YOU HAD TO CALL RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ALL 'SOBBY' AND SAD EXPECTING ALL OF THE ATTENTION TO BE ON YOU!!" _

_That had to be it, Bella had to be so jealous of me and Tanya that she insisted on calling in the middle of it sounding all sad for my attention. So NOW she wants by complete attention and wants me to notice her. Well not today, I was done. "So much for a great first date with the girl of my dreams, she was mad enough that I even had a best friend whose a girl and then you have to call making it sound like were secretly dating or something. Thanks a lot" I started to walk away the way I came when I heard her voice calling me back_

_I set off again_

"_What kind of nerve do you have Bella! This date was important to me, what could POSSIBLY have been important enough for you to ruin it?" that was a stupid question. Anything involving Bella would have been more important but I couldn't let her know that and I was too angry to be reasonable or even sensible._

_She looked at me distraught and behind her sad eyes I could see a glimpse of anger rising in them. "I'm sorry I'm such an inconvenience" she spoke in a broken whisper before turning her back on me and walking back to her house. I just stood there like an idiot for a few seconds before slowly walking back to my house._

_I knew I had screwed things up pretty bad but I didn't know the extent until the 6pm news that night. There had been a car collision on Main Street with one woman who died later on at the hospital. Renee Swan. I was a monster; no I was a sick excuse for anything breathing. Bella needed me and I just screamed in her face about a girl I didn't even care about. Her mother was dead and I just made everything worse for her._

_I thought about going right back over to her house but she probably didn't want me too and there was also the chance that Charlie or Jake could answer the door and if either of them knew what I did I wouldn't stand a chance. I decided to wait till Monday at school when she had maybe somewhat recovered from the death of her mother and would maybe be more keen to listen to me. I was wrong._

_When I got to lunch Tanya ran up to me and grabbed onto my waist as if to claim me. I wanted to shrug her off but I couldn't hurt 2 girls in one week, the situation was bad enough. I looked around for her but when I found her she was sitting with Alice on the far end of our usual table. I slowly inched my way over and sat down next to her. I didn't know what to say so I just waited for her to acknowledge my presence but instead she just curled into herself and stared at her food. After a couple of minutes I stood up, there was a lot of progress to make._

_I waited on her for the rest of the week. I tried to talk to her at lunch or in the hallways but she simply walked away from me with a polite 'excuse me'. I called her phone but she never picked up. I even went to her house a few times but Jake would answer the door and glare at me without a word until I left. I was getting fed up. I understand she's mad at me but now she's just trying to hurt me and make me feel guilty. I wouldn't have that. The new Edward didn't tolerate being played till he was groveling on his knees begging for forgiveness. Even though the real Edward knew he would do just that for Bella, he would do anything to make her smile again._

_But my less-reasonable side placed a phone call under restricted so she had to pick up. And as soon as I heard her soft 'Hello' I spoke. "Bella I tried talking to you all week so I could at least apologize but you won't even give me a chance so I'm done trying. I won't let you win and make me feel guilty because I'm done with you, have a nice life." _

_I couldn't believe I had said those words but it wasn't me, I wasn't me. Emmett's advice and Tanya's existence had changed me. Neither were to blame I just couldn't find sense anymore. So I broke down and cried as soon as I hung up the phone. I cried like a small helpless girl for the life I had thrown away and for hurting the girl I loved. I cried for Bella's pain and suffering and the additional tears I caused her. I cried for Tanya because I was wasting her time. I cried, and no physical pain could compete with this hole I had buried myself in._

End of flashback

Now without Tanya I had no idea what I was doing. Bella was doing worse. She hardly talked anymore and I saw a few bruises on her face a few weeks ago that made me nervous. But of course no one knew that. Because of my idiocy and selfishness in Bella's time of need we had no relationship. We didn't have hate, we had nothing which was worse. I needed her back, I just didn't know how.

**I've got troubled thoughts**

**And the self esteem to match**

**What a catch, what a catch**

**And all I can think of**

**Is the way I'm the one who charmed the one**

**Who gave up on you?**

**Who gave up on you?**

**-What a catch Donnie, fall out boy**

**A/N alright so I hope you appreciate me staying up all night to write this, I was hit with an inspiration and just kind of came up with this, so yeah!**

**As always I appreciate the reviews and their writers! It's kind of because of that, that I decided to stay up till 4:19 writing this…**

**The more reviews the faster the update! It's a proven fact…**


	3. reward if you read! not a chapter

**Yes this is an author's note…but you have no right to injure me seeing as though I added 2 chapters within like 5 hours and that's pretty generous**

**[Unless you're twibite who is kind enough to update multiple times throughout the day]**

**So here is my dilemma, there is obviously not going to be a quick and dramatic apology from Edward that will make Bella immediately forgive him. That simply makes the story predictable and kind of spoils it a bit for you. Also I find myself trying not to break something when someone is so forgiving of such behavior and I personally want to stab any author who does that =]**

**-back to the topic at hand- I'm not quite sure which other characters I want to add in or describe better. Do you want me to re-cap the scene where Alice came over after her mom died? Do you want Mike Newton to show up at Bella's house with a bouquet of flowers announcing his undying love for her? Should James come in the story as a seducing vampire and try to kill Bella and have her saved by the Cullen's because they are vampire slayers? **

**Just throw some ideas at me because though I know exactly where the story is going I don't want to add in a character who will simply manage to become insignificant and a waste of word count. So tell me what you think and I might make a poll but there are so many characters to think of and you could suggest any. You could even make up a character and if I'm intrigued by them I might just add them in.**

**So if that little light bulb above your head just said 'ding' and came up with a fantabulous idea them PM me, put it in a review, whatever. I'm not really picky as long as the message gets across but I suggest PMing me so that if it's like SUPER AMAZINGLY AWESOME and I use it then we don't have spoilers floating around in reviews.**

**Thank you once again to my reviewers. 12 reviews, 30 story alerts, and like 20 something favorite's is pretty darn good for being up for only a few hours but I'm thinking another 8 reviews before I update again, which I hope shouldn't be hard.**

**Thank you for reading this because I know everyone loves to skip these due to the painful disappointment that they aren't an actual chapter. And to show my appreciation here's a snippet for the next chapter.**

_[Jake was going out with a few friends after school so he was simply dropping me off at home and was going to be home around 9. _

'_I guess I'm cooking dinner for one tonight' I said to myself. But as soon as I stepped out of the car I noticed Charlie's police cruiser was in the driveway which was strikingly odd. _

_Charlie never left work early but I shrugged it off, there was a virus going around and he was probably sick. As I walked up the steps I noticed a crushed beer can on the top step and the door was unlocked. Cautiously I opened the door and stepped in; bracing myself for what came next….]_


	4. Chapter 3

**Short chapter…I know but I'll update again soon**

EPOV

I knew I had to confront Bella. We had gone 2 years without talking and the fact that it was my fault struck up a pain in my stomach.

I hadn't been the same person I had known myself to be that day. The frustration of wanting Bella and straying from my originally plan had confused me to no end and I took a wrong turn. A fatal turn.

I was a monster, a sick, sadistic, monster that ruined the life I had built for myself. Tanya was the equivalent to a security blanket. I needed her when the times got tough but it was obviously evident that she couldn't last forever. We didn't need each other, I just held on to her because she was all I had.

I knew I was wrong, my siblings had tried to smack some sense into me that first year but I kept trying to convince them that I didn't know what I was doing. During that time, I became an excellent liar.

There was no turning back once I had said those words. I couldn't turn back the clock and switch myself back to normal Edward. Heck during that year my mother had thought be bipolar but the doctors told her different. The only conclusion was that her son was a jackass.

Jasper was probably the hardest on me. Where he didn't scream or yell like Rosalie did, he wouldn't even talk to me. The occasional word when it came to manners but besides that he was too disgusted with me as to have verbal contact.

My first conclusion was that because Alice was Bella's best friend at the time he was obliged to join her, but even when Alice gave up on me and Bella's relationship and was decent to me he didn't change. Jasper had his reasons and I could think of a few.

The look on Bella's face was also enough.

She refused to look at me anymore and when our eyes met this aged pain would come out and stab me in the chest. She had changed and I couldn't tell if it was me or her mother. I wasn't conceited enough to believe it was all me and not the loss of her mother but I'm sure as hell I didn't help.

So that's what brought me here. I had just driven up to Bella's house and ready to plead at that door for her to listen. I didn't deserve her forgiveness and didn't think twice about asking for it. I simply wanted to give her what she deserved, and that was an explanation and a long overdue apology.

Tanya leaving had me realize that I not only wanted her back in my life, but I needed a best friend. And I was holding out for the one girl who could ever hold that position. I didn't care about having anything more; I just needed her in my life.

BPOV  
The day went by rather uneventfully. My grades were decent and lunch was…lunch. I went through that staring at my tray not making eye contact with anyone and doing a little homework. I knew I needed to get out of this town. My family had more or less abandoned me and my friends gave up.

I couldn't blame them for giving up on me. I was a shell and as much as I tried to resurface the current continued to pull me back down. No one cared enough to help anymore and they didn't deserve to be bothered with a burden like me.

I had come to the realization that my grades were the only thing I had and a scholarship would help me escape, a loveless home, a dead mother, a lost best friend, and a life that seemed pointless.

I had dreams for the future and in my opinion they were reachable. I wanted to become a novelist. I didn't care what I did between now and then as long as that was the outcome. I already had a draft and it was just a matter of editing it with the help of some literature courses and sending the manuscript to numerous publishing companies.

My draft was actually a re-run of the past few years of my life. I used inspirations from my diary to write it and someday when I was ready to burst out of my shell the world would know my story. It wasn't because I needed pity but because I needed people to know. Someone had to know the internal battle I was suffering and my true feelings, not the Bella I presented. They needed to know the subtle feeling of lack of appreciation at home and the abandonment of my friends. I didn't care who 'they' was as long as it was someone.

As I was dreaming about my published novel I realized Jake had pulled in the driveway and I grabbed my bags.

Jake was going out with a few friends after school so he was simply dropping me off at home and was going to be home around 9.

'I guess I'm cooking dinner for one tonight' I said to myself. But as soon as I stepped out of the car I noticed Charlie's police cruiser was in the driveway which was strikingly odd.

Charlie never left work early but I shrugged it off, there was a virus going around and he was probably sick. As I walked up the steps I noticed a crushed beer can on the top step and the door was unlocked. Cautiously I opened the door and stepped in; bracing myself for what came next….

**I want you to want me.  
I need you to need me.  
I'd love you to love me.  
I'm beggin' you to beg me.**

I want you to want me.  
I need you to need me.  
I'd love you to love me.  
I'll shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt.  
I'll get home early from work if you say that you love me.

Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?  
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?  
Feelin' all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin'.  
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?

**Okay so this song has some relevance but personally I just really wanted to put some cheap trick on here because…well….cheap trick is the shiz-nit!**

**So yeah this was basically a filler chapter to give you some more insight on each character and their intentions. Bella's novelist dream is a huge part of the story so I thought better to introduce it earlier so I can maneuver it into everything! **

**As for my last authors note and my whole 'at least 20 before I re-post' thing. I gave in. Reviews were slow and I only got one suggestion out of all the people who favored, alerted, and reviewed the story. This leads me to believe you al didn't read it and I get that, it's fanfiction not English class. But still if you didn't read it or you didn't give me input I'd really appreciate it. Otherwise I won't get all dramatic on you and I'll survive. **


	5. Chapter 4

**16 reviews….really? And even so the past chapter received about 2 or 3 reviews in total. Here's a longer chapter, kinda a lot of action going on and a lot of it will be explained in later chapters if you are confused. So go on and read, and for Edwards sake find something to comment on!**

EPOV

As I pulled up to Bella's house something was off. The door was wide open and I saw her coat lying on the ground at the front steps. Quickly, I parked my car on the side of the road and hopped out.

When I got to the steps I noticed a crushed beer can and that the glass on the door was broken and lying all over the place. Then I saw something that truly frightened me; blood.

There wasn't much of it but you could tell whoever was responsible for this had managed to injure themselves…or someone. I slowly stepped over the glass and thought of the possibilities. Charlie's cruiser was parked in the driveway and Bella was home. If someone had broken into the house Charlie should have been able to defend his daughter and himself. Bella, using her unique talent of clumsiness, could have injured herself and was in the process of cleaning up.

Then I heard a muffled scream coming from upstairs and ran to the staircase. I climbed the steps two at a time and listened for another sound but all I heard was silence. I was sure of the sound I heard but why was it now so still?

I began walking in the direction of Bella's room hoping to find her there but before I could open the door I heard heavy breathing behind me.

I spun around to see Charlie Swan standing behind me with a corrupt smile on his face. I gave him a run over and he had blood on his hands, but there were no wounds. What had he done to Bella?

"Hey Edward, nice see you around here." He slurred heading towards me. His walk was sturdy but he swerved a bit as he charged. He was extremely drunk. Though I was smaller than him I was undoubtfully stronger and I had pretty good reflexes. As he went to attack me I moved out of the way and pushed him down.

He laid still on the ground, probably passed out from the alcohol amount. Then I heard a small whimper from his bedroom and I ran in.

There, lying on the floor was Bella. There was a little blood coming from her head and her leg was bent at an odd angle. Her eyes were red and tear stained as she struggled to open them. Her lip was quivering and she bit down on it as she held in silent sobs. I quickly knelt down to her on the floor and I felt tears run down my face. Though she was bloody and broken she still looked beautiful as ever. But she was so broken.

I took my phone out of my pocket and dialed 911. I quickly explained to them the situation and that their police station better not wait for their chief.

Once I hung up I pressed my fingers against her neck to make sure nothing was broken. My father was a doctor and over the years I had learned a few basics in medical training. Once I confirmed that was alright I put my hands on either side of her head.

"Bella can you hear me?" I asked her keeping my voice low and soft. A look of confusion crossed her face and she opened her eyes.

Her eyes widened when she saw me and she opened her mouth to say something but then shut it wincing in pain and grabbing her leg. I had to move her off the floor so in one swift movement I pulled her into my arms and placed her onto the bed slowly as not to jostle her leg. When I saw lifting her up I noticed a piece of glass on her head and I put her on her side so that it didn't dig farther in. I wasn't sure has deep it was but if I took it out she might bleed to death.

I sat beside her on the bed and contemplated as to whether or not I should hold her hand and reassure her that help was coming but I was too afraid she would push me away.

I was brought out of my thoughts by a sound in the hallway. Charlie was awake. I hopped off the bed and ran outside to see a very confused Charlie trying to stand up. I stood there in front of the doorway ready to defend Bella if he charged when I heard sirens.

Charlie looked at his hands taking note of the blood. He looked to me with a look of horror on his face.

"What is going on Edward?" He said barely above a whisper.

I looked at me, anger evident in his eyes. "Are you referring to how you allowed yourself to get completely drunk and almost killed your daughter whose blood you're covered in?!" He looked too shocked too respond and before he could say any more officers and EMT's ran into the house and he was being taken away.

BPOV

The last thing I remembered was being lifted onto a gurney and carried into an ambulance before I drifted into unconsciousness.

While I drifted I thought about what had occurred. I had been attacked by a very intoxicated Charlie and while he was kicking me upstairs we heard footsteps downstairs. I tried to scream for help but Charlie covered my mouth with his hand and it came out muffled. Apparently the person had heard though because he headed upstairs.

I was told to stay silent as Charlie went into the hallway. By this point I was in so much pain. My leg was bent really weird and I couldn't move it. I also felt a huge throb as blood dripped down the back of my head where the glass cut in. I bit down on my lip so the sobs wouldn't shake my body.

I felt something fall and vibrate the floor and I prayed it wasn't whoever had come. I was in too much pain to hear what words were exchanged so I didn't even know what happened. I then felt footsteps come into the room and they weren't heavy like Charlie's.

My first thought was that it was Jake but then the person didn't say anything and I felt them kneel down beside me and take in a breath. I tried so hard to open my eyes but I was too weak.

The person had his warm fingers on my neck as if to examine me and then I felt two hands on either side of my head. "Bella can you hear me?"

The voice sounded so heavenly and so familiar. I hadn't heard that voice say a caring word to me in so long and a good part of me had missed it. Another part of me was screaming against having his help. Edward didn't care about me and I couldn't let myself believe otherwise.

Edward. I had missed him so much these past couple years and I didn't let myself believe it until now. I opened my eyes to see him leaning over me with tears in my eyes. I was so confused and I wanted to say something to him but I felt the pain coming and quickly bit back down on my lip. My leg was in so much pain and I didn't want to go into hysterics either.

I hadn't even realized my eyes had shut until I felt his arms picking me up and placing me on the bed and watching for the glass that was lodged into my head. He sat down on the bed next to me and I so greatly wanted to reach out and squeeze his hand but my mind pushed that want away. I couldn't forget about the hurt he caused me and pretend he didn't cause me pain. I loved him and he threw me away.

But then he ran out and I heard Charlie speaking, much softer than his rough and callous voice just 15 minutes before. He sounded sincerely confused and I felt a little bad for him. I didn't want to make him feel guilty but at the same time he took his drinking too far and I'm sure I was feeling worse.

So now I was lying in this hospital bed hearing many voices around me. I could hear a heart monitor beeping next to me and hear it increase as I slowly became aware. As I opened my eyes I was a little shocked.

There in my room stood Jake, Alice, Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Edward.

"Oh thank god" said Jake as he came over to give me a hug. I tried to lift my arms to hug him back but they hurt too much and as I looked at them they were covered in purple bruises.

I was still confused though. Why were they all here? Why was Jake hugging me? This was the brother who abandoned all contact with me until recently this morning and the friends who had quit on me long ago. Why did they care?

When Jake pulled away and I got a good look at his face what I saw made me gasp. The first thing I saw was his eyes. There were dark circles underneath them and he liked so worn. The rest of his face was filled with an anguish I hadn't even seen the day mom died.

I just looked at him for a moment and then he broke the silence.

"Bella…I am so sorry, I shouldn't have gone out, I should have been home…I can't believe Charlie did that!" He put his head in his hands and sat down in the chair next to me.

Emmett came over to me next and grabbed my hand. I gave him a small smile. "Hey" I said. Emmett was the one person who never quite gave up on me. I really loved him for that.

"Hey Squirt." he said smiling. Everyone's gaze in the room was on me and it felt weird.

"Where's Charlie?" I asked. But I guess I already knew the answer.

Jake stood back up and looked at me. "Once the police came he was arrested. Apparently he was too drunk to remember anything"

Slowly I began to cry. My life truly had fallen apart. Charlie was going away to jail, Jake was my only guardian and his college would either have to be put on hold next year or I would go into foster care, my friends who previously didn't care much for me now pitied me, and I had nothing left. It had more or less been like this for awhile but now it was official.

Jake went in to hug me again but I didn't lean into his embrace. I just lay there.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I snapped.

"Do you want to know what's wrong Jake?! Everything, everything has been messed up these past 2 years! You are almost never home, and when you were around me you couldn't even look me in the eye let alone speak to me! I did everything around the house while you and Charlie ignored me. I did your laundry, cooked, cleaned, did the bills, and still managed to cope with Mom's death and get my schoolwork done on my own. Both of you came to expect it to! And you were never even home to know that Charlie has been having a drinking problem for quite awhile now and you never even questioned the bruises!"

I was fuming now and Jake looked extremely taken aback. But I wasn't done, I have held everything in for too long and he deserved to know how I felt.

"You're my big brother Jake, and the old Jake protected me, but I needed you and you abandoned me, taking advantage of my willingness to help out. God Jake, where did my brother go?!" Now I was sobbing and I could hear the heart monitor going crazy. At this rate I wouldn't be surprised if it stopped.

"I've been so alone these past 2 years" I whispered to myself. "I needed my friends, and most importantly I needed my best friend" I looked at Edward now. "Thank you for saving me from Charlie Edward, really, thanks but I've needed saving for quite some time now and never once did you think to pick me up. I had to endure the pain of your words on the day I needed you most."

Edward and Jake were both standing by me now. They had been the main targets of my rant and both their faces were so pained.

"I'm sorry I just don't know how much more I can take." I whispered the last part before rolling over signaling them to leave.

Once I heard the last footsteps leave the room I fell to pieces, I knew there was going to be a trial of some sort for Charlie and I didn't know what to expect from that. For now though I wanted to sleep, everything that needed to be dealt with could be dealt with tomorrow.

EPOV

Once we all got into the hallway I watched as Jake fell to his knees.

Bella had finally spoken up after 2 years. It was amazing how she had held that in for so long without exploding, anyone else would have. But Bella was simply her selfless self. And it was shameful that she had been taken advantage of. I was ashamed

Alice looked distraught. I had seen how everyone began to treat Bella or more so not treat her. She became an outcast and everyone had given up on her making progress. I knew she just needed time and patience but at the time I was too out of character to assist.

As for Jake, I wasn't quite sure what to do. He must have been beside himself with guilt. I saw the way he broke off contact between them. And the individual guilt of knowing she had been getting abused for awhile now without his knowing must have been worse.

She was right. She had been abandoned and though I was a main target of her outburst Jake had received the bad end.

"It's all my fault." He said looking up at us. "I was supposed to protect her, or at least be there for her; instead I've been ignoring everything that has to do with her…god, what have I done!"

I knelt by beside him. "It's mine too Jake, I was such an ass that day 2 years ago, I ruined everything and she trusted me like she did you. I kicked her in the dust and gave my attention to some fake Barbie idolized girl who never even meant anything to me. I abandoned her when she needed me." I sighed

"I can only be proud that I found her before anything worse happened, but if I hadn't screwed up she would have told me."

I then heard a tortured sob coming from the other side of the door in Bella's room. She was so broken and it was us who shattered her.

**I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend  
You could cut ties with all the lies that youve been living in  
And if you do not want to see me again I would understand  
I would understand  
The angry boy a bit too insane  
Icing over a secret pain  
You know you don't belong  
You're the first to fight  
You're way too loud  
You're the flash of light on a burial shroud  
I know something's wrong  
Well everyone I know has got a reason  
To say put the past away**

**Jumper: third eye blind**

**There was a longer chapter and some action….hope you enjoyed it! **

**Yes I realized after writing this that drunk people don't regain consciousness that quickly and don't magically forget that quickly either but let's pretend….for the story's sake?**

**So hopefully you know what I want now….is a review so much to ask for?**


	6. Chapter 5

**I'm sure there are loads of spelling errors but try not to concentrate too much on those!**

**And I know I haven't updated on my other story in awhile but I'm just not so inspired right now, don't worry though, I will update soon you just have to give me some time!**

BPOV

When I woke up things were a lot quieter than they had been the day before.

That's because I chased everyone out of here with my screaming

I heaved a sigh, I probably shouldn't have exploded at Jake and Edward but I couldn't be blamed. I wasn't a weak girl and I was done with acting like a pushover. It had taken everything I had not to go further in my rant, I wanted to mention everyone else's abandonment but I was too tired. Hopefully they could figure it out themselves.

I was extremely confused still. Edward looked so pained when I lashed out on him. Like I had actually struck a nerve and hurt his new ego that had taken over the old Edward. The one Tanya stole from me.

In those few seconds before they all left I saw that boy I used to know, the boy that would have cam running to the hospital had he known what was going home that day, and the same boy who saved me from my drunken father. I truly hoped he would come back, but even if he did I couldn't promise my full forgiveness. Not after the past 2 years.

Jake was going to take some time too. If I blamed anyone for this accident besides my stupid weak self, it was him. He was my brother and I needed him to have been there yesterday. I've needed him to have been there these past two years! And even if he had chanced a glance at me once in awhile he would have noticed the very dark bruise still residing a on my cheek. Or the other cuts and bruises that were scattered across my body.

I knew Charlie loved me and after all he's done I loved him too. He had a drinking problem and he didn't need jail to fix that, he needed rehab. He needed to get well and become my father again. He hadn't attacked me out of callousness, it was out of pain and I was pretty sure his stable side wasn't aware.

But he had ignored me as well. I haven't felt love in quite awhile now and all of a sudden I was a burden.

I felt my plastered leg beneath the sheets and knew it was broken. I could also feel the tightness in the back of my head where the lacerations from the glass had been mended. This healing process was going to take quite awhile and I was going to need help.

There was also the matter of money. We had enough to get by with but the medical bill to follow this wasn't going to be a light one. Great. There goes my college savings.

Just as I was worrying about all these things I heard the door peak open and there stood Alice.

She walked in slowly as if to test her boundaries. When I didn't flinch after she sat down in the chair next to my bed she met my gaze.

She didn't have that bubbly look on her face as she always did. Her eyes held grief, sadness, confusion, and remorse. There was something else but I couldn't figure it out yet.

"Hi Bella" she whispered. I brought my gaze to the bed and took a deep breath.

"What brings you here Alice?" I asked with a tinge of sarcasm in it. She hadn't exactly acted as my friend this past year so I wasn't about to treat her like everything was just fine and dandy.

"I-I wanted to see how you were feeling, the nurse told me she heard some movement in here and I thought I'd check on you."

I looked at her and she seemed sincere enough. "I'm fine" I said not really interested in going into detail about how I really felt.

"No you're not Bella; gosh any sane person wouldn't be after all you've been through!" Her voice rose a couple of octaves. "you're in the hospital recovering from an attack from your own father, Why didn't you tell any of us this was happening, we could have helped you…" that's where I drew the line.

"Alice you have to be aware of the fact that I haven't had any friends or figuratively any family these past couple of years. There wasn't one person who noticed the bruise that's been on my face the past 2 months!"

I was still surprised at all the anger I was feeling towards everyone. It seemed kind of ridiculous but I couldn't just pretend everything was okay. I was far from it. I had no friends, no willing family, what did she expect me to say?

She just looked at me with saddened eyes for a moment before she spoke. "I know Bella, I'm sorry I really am it's just, I don't know! You weren't talking to us and It felt like you were never going to be Bella again, I wanted to help but I didn't know how and I guess I just stopped along the way. I didn't stop caring I just didn't know what to do!"

Then her head fell in her hands and she began to sob. "Can y-you ever f-forgive me?"

I looked at her for a moment before I spoke. Alice was such a good friend to me and part of me had already given up on the hopes that she could one day become so again. I wanted her back into my life I just didn't know if things would be the same.

"I do Alice, but you're just going to have to give me time, everything is just a little overwhelming right now and I wouldn't put it past you to know that."

She stood up and gave me a sad smile. "I understand Bella and I'm sorry. You should also talk to Jake and Edward, they both practically spent the night all torn up in the waiting room when we all went home. They refused to leave. I know what they did, and I know what we all did but you should at least hear them out."

"They spent the night here?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah, they're both a mess. Like I said you should talk to them. But I think the nurse said something about the doctor coming in soon so I'm going to go but I'll come back later, if you want me to that is." She added the last part sheepishly.

"Yeah sure, I'd like that." I gave her my best smile before she walked out.

A couple minutes later an older looking man in a long white coat walked in with a clipboard.

"Hello Bella, I'm Doctor Morrison. Sorry I didn't get a chance to stop by while you were conscious, you fell asleep pretty shortly after you woke up. The damage wasn't too bad but we will have to ask you to stay here for the next few days to keep an eye on you." He smiled warmly at me before continuing.

"You have a broken leg, 9 staples in your head, and a good deal of bruises and smaller cuts covering your body. I suppose the damage could have been much worse had your friend not found you when he did." I winced when he said 'friend' but he continued.

"I am confident you will make a full recovery, can you tell me what happened?"

I shuddered at the memory. I could remember everything crystal clear but it wasn't something I thought I could talk about without falling to pieces. The look on Charlie's face when he charged at me, the pain of the glass smashing into my head. All memories I didn't want to recap just yet.

"I remember everything I just don't think I'm ready to talk about it yet, can you come back tomorrow?" I really needed another day to sort out my emotions.

"I would say yes but tomorrow the social worker is coming to hear your full statement of the incident. No trial will be held because your father pleaded guilty. The social worker will give you more details tomorrow but I've found it's better for abuse victims to practice their explanations out on someone else before spilling it out to the one person who will be taking charge of everything." I heaved a sigh and he noticed the disappointment in my face.

"You don't necessarily have to tell me, you could always talk to your brother or one of your friends instead but I highly suggest you do so before tomorrow." With that he patted my shoulder and strolled out of the room.

I knew he was right, talking to someone would make everything easier but I was too worried. According to Alice, Jake and Edward had been in the worst shape over me and maybe they deserved an explanation first. Then again, they were the two who hurt me the most and it would be more difficult. It seemed I had some rough decisions to make.

EPOV

When the doctor walked out of Bella's room instead of walking back down the hallway he came over to us.

"I just spoke with Bella and she seems pretty reluctant to share the events of her accident. With the social worker coming tomorrow it's probably better that she tell you or at least talk about it sometime today so that tomorrow will be an easier day for her." He smiled at us before walking away.

I so badly wanted to know what had happened in those moments before I arrived but I didn't know how she would react if I walked in. When Alice had walked out she said that Bella was surprised to hear we had stayed here overnight and that it probably wouldn't do any harm to go talk to her.

Jake had been sitting across from me in the waiting area. We made good company seeing as though we both had that one terrible thing in common.

We had been the two people to hurt Bella the most yet at the same time we were remembering how much we truly did love her.

I watched now as Jake stood up and began walking to her room. He stopped halfway there and turned to face me. "You coming Edward?"

I nodded and stood up.

Slowly we walked into room to find a very awake and frustrated looking Bella. I hadn't gotten much of a good look at her yesterday so I was surprised at what I saw.

Her leg looked like a giant lump underneath her sheets. She had cuts and bruises covering both her arms and face and the bruise on her face had become even more prominent in the hospital gown. She was sitting up in the bed with her eyes locked on the far side wall before she turned to face us.

"Hi" she whispered. She looked so sad and I resisted the urge to hold her in my arms. Jake went over to her and for a moment they just looked at each other. Before he broke down.

I don't think anyone had really seen Jake cry before. For all the time I had known him he had seemed to be a pretty rock solid guy who hid his emotion well. Now I watched as sobs shook his body and he held one hand up to his face to try and stop himself but he couldn't.

If Bella had been correct in saying that Jake had more or less ignored her the past couple of years then it was definitely remorse and guilt that swept over him now.

Every wall of his had now torn itself down and he knew there was a lot to fix now. I knew what that was like

Bella had a couple of tears trickling down her cheeks now and it only took a few moments for her to grab onto his shirt and wrap her tiny arms around him as if holding on for dear life.

Another thing I loved about Bella, her forgiving nature. Even when you've done the unforgivable she manages to accept you back into her life. I could only hope she showed me the same mercy and if she didn't I would wait for it.

After a few minutes Jake pulled back and the two had a hushed conversation so I stood by the door and waited.

After a few minutes Jake walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. He just stood there for a moment before walking out.

I walked over to Bella who was looking at me with the oddest expression on her face.

"Bella I am so--" I began but she cut me off.

"I know you're sorry Edward, I can see it in your eyes." It was strange to see that she still knew me so well. We used to always read each other with our eyes.

"I'm trying not to recount the past couple of years but before anything else I just need to know what happened that day. Just for my mental health. You need to give me an explanation of why you decided that day to turn in to the anti-Edward you became."

I looked at her with what could only be read as a remorseful expression. I took a deep breath before looking into her eyes and beginning.

"I love you Bella. I know that's a lot to take in right now but I do and those feelings started awhile ago. That day, I had my first date with Tanya. The truth is, I never really liked her. Emmett had told me something about using her to make you jealous so that's why I did it. I ended up getting so caught up in the frustration of trying to get dumb-cheerleader Tanya to like me that I forgot the whole reason for me going out with her." I waited a moment to gauge her reaction before continuing.

She seemed pretty shocked and I wasn't sure she was buying my truthful explanation.

"She began teasing me about liking you and I became even more desperate for her to like me. It was like I felt if I wasn't even worth her time then why would you ever want anything more out of me? She was slowly destroying me. When you called she was in the middle of asking me about you and making fun of me so I was a bit aggravated and didn't even think about the fact that you were crying and needed me.

"After that she just said goodbye and left. I was so angry at myself for ruining everything that my anger overtook me and I went to your house and completely destroyed everything between us. When I found out what had happened I was overcome with guilt and sorrow. I was as monster, and the worse kind at that. I tried to talk to you that first day at school but Tanya had hung on to me like a favorite toy and you wouldn't acknowledge me. I deserved that but it made me frustrated.

"So I called you that Friday night and let that new Edward take over me. The one Tanya had taken control over. I was wrong Bella I know that. Tanya became my ego and I felt worthless if I wasn't around her. "

Bella looked pretty confused by my speech but I continued on.

"I found you yesterday because I was going to your house to talk to you. It's not right for you to forgive me but I was planning on giving you an explanation anyways. I was also worried about you. I never stopped loving you Bella. I just made a huge mistake and it went all downhill from there. You had changed and you lost the glow on your face. I had even noticed a purple shadow on your cheek a week or so prior."

I moved closer to her bed and looked straight into her eyes.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, you just have a right to know." I whispered the last part.

She looked at me with an expression that was hard to decipher. For a moment she looked right back at me before moving her gaze to the wall. She had a few tears rolling down her cheeks and it hurt me to know I put them there.

She laughed sourly for a moment before speaking. "I've never really known the feeling of 'what could have been 'until now."

I looked at her questioningly but she continued. "I loved you too Edward and part of me still does. I guess now understanding what happened to you helps a bit but I'm going to need some time before we can build up any sort of relationship again." She gave me a small smile and I returned it.

"That's all I can ask for."

**Now that we're here,  
It's so far away  
All the struggle we thought was in vain  
All the mistakes,  
One life contained  
They all finally start to go away  
Now that we're here its' so far away  
And I feel like I can face the day  
I can forgive and I****'****m not ashamed to be the person that I am today**

**So far away: Staind**

**Extra-long chapter**

**And though Bella said it I want to repeat that the Bella-Edward relationship is going to take some time to fix**

**Now go on ahead and press that green button, I know you want to!**

**REVIEW!!!!**


	7. dont hate me, just read

I'm sorry for not updating, but my friend went missing a few weeks ago and its really taking a toll on me, and I've been talking to the police and such, I know I promised to update a lot and more often but I hope you understand that my only current concern is finding my friend and hoping she comes home safe.


	8. story is still on

Life happens everyone

Sorry it seems like I've abandoned the story, like anyone else things prioritize the internet as well as fanfiction and I honestly haven't given this story much though

FEAR NOT though because I'm not leaving it as is, yes I promised you much before and updating soon and what not but I simply haven't been able to keep those promises and for that I apologize

Even though many of you are probably ready to have my head for waiting months and getting a stupid authors note, drop me a pm or a review to let me know you're still alerted or even want to see more. If there are only a couple people I might just rid my burden of these stories.

And this is the same note for both of my two stories so don't expect to see a new chapter on the other one if you are subscribed to both.

Once again , my apologies, most of you would agree that school is tough and all the crap that surrounds it isn't easy either.

Ashley


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